Now, I'm not one to critique fashion. Primarily because I'm a "throw it on, if it looks decent, run with it" kind of person. And I'm comfortable with that...

But, when it comes to people that actually care about how they look, and they do ridiculous things...I can't help but say something.

I was talking with my girlfriend and she was poking around on this website 'Frederick's'. She showed me some shoes, which looked nice. A nice hat. I was impressed with the site...but, as with so many things, it wasn't to last.

She shopped around a bit more and discovered some rather disturbing "body enhancers".  Yes, that's right. Foam asscheeks for that flat-bottomed girl in your life. I can just see how such a gift would go over. Or even just getting your groove on and the girl pulls down her pants all seductively, then turns around and...yep. Egg crate buttocks.

But it doesn't end there. Then this metaphorical honey strips off her shirt and bra and SURPRISE! SYNTHETIC TITS! And not even the good ones that are on the inside, either. Yeah, you're getting all hot and bothered now, aren't you? Suddenly this bombshell you picked up is running on $250 of fake jiggly fun parts.

I wish it ended there, but she also discovered something that nearly twisted my brain like a wet gym towel. I wish I was kidding when I said that there was such a thing as an ass bra. For those women with that are saggin' in their wagon.

Men, do yourselves a favor and never buy any of these things for your women. And if you meet someone wearing any of them...it's okay to laugh, pick up your clothes, and exit stage outthefuckingdoor.