So I apparently have been living under a rock, or haven’t had the inclination to care about random internet drag queens.  Regardless of the reason, I have just recently learned of the internet celebrity; “Jeffree Star”.  I first saw this person on Stickam while talking to Infected a while back, sitting there on the main page doing some random show and being… well, a drag queen like nothing I have ever seen.  Thinking it was just some random dolt, I moved on to other things in my evening.  But as of late I keep hearing about this atrocity to man-kind all over the drama-wagon.  ( Live Journal, MySpace, so on, so forth ).  After doing a little digging I have come to realize that not only is this walking advertisement for colored sharpies some type of icon for emo faggots everywhere, but actually has a band!  That’s right, a band… though I am using the term loosely as the “music” it creates basically sounds like a random drag-queen saying random idiocies into a mic while banging random keys on a Casio keyboard from 1986… oh wait, that’s exactly what it is.  I’d rather listen to the Lion King sound-track on repeat while continuously driving shards of glass into my crotch than subject myself to more than 3 seconds of this garbage.

But I suppose this goes to show, talent isn’t everything, nor is image.  All you need to do to make a band is either have some money, or, well, suck a whole hell of a lot of dick.  Which being that Star here seems to be from Hollywood, I’m going to say he.. she… it, has those pretty much covered.  But enough of that, let’s get to the good stuff shall we?  Now one could assume that its “agent” filled out most of the information on the said myspace, but after reading it, its agent would have to be a retarded monkey to write half of this garbage.  Then again, its agent… is also… its agent… which doesn’t speak to highly of his career in the first place.

[sorry if we can’t all be unoriginal] but I have a mold to break.”

Well this sounds slightly schizophrenic doesn’t it? That or our friend here has a raging case of A.D.D. unlike the world has ever seen.  Notice how the first thing said was “I’m really popular”?  Funny, I wasn’t aware that a couple hundred, under aged, sexually confused emo high school kids made one, “Really really popular”.  What is more amusing is the whole “I have a mold to break”.  What mold, the “I look like every other drag-queen on myspace” mold?  Seriously kid, you aren’t special, and you won’t be changing a generation… but you are doing a bang up job of looking like a douche bag, that’s something, at least.  Glam was a fad that died, long before it ever lived, suppose your agent didn’t give you that memo huh?

“They said I’d never be anything but who has the world watching them?”

They ( which I assume is its parents more than likely ) were right, and sorry to inform you, MySpace is not “The World”.

“Who has such amazing and dedicated fans?”

Wait… I know the answer to this… Fear Factory?

“People need to hate me because they hate themselves.”

Kid, I don’t think anyone really cares enough about you to hate you.  Though you are a perfect specimen of dipshit to put on public display.  Think of it like this, no-one really HATES midgets, but it sure is fun to laugh at them… and punt them like footballs once in a while.

“They want to believe the rumors about me because they don’t have their own rumors.”

I heard a rumor that you were a strung-out drag-queen with no talent… oh… wait... guess that’s not a rumor now is it?

“I’m here to stay, with my diamond rims and pink lipstick, so get used to it and worry about yourself before you try and be negative towards me.”

Translation: I’m cool because I wear too much makeup and think I’m a woman.  I’m going to act like I am so hated and that I don’t care about it so that my fans will think I’m so fucking special when in all reality I’m just some kid that was born with a silver spoon in his mouth so to get back at my perfect home life I had I’m going to continually suck cock!  That’ll show my parents for not buying me a pony!

Let’s take some random quotes here as if I were to comment on every single line, this article would turn about to be a couple hundred pages… onward!

“Easily one of MySpace’s most identifiable names, Jeffree Star, 21, carries the torch as a self made celebrity.”

“Most identifiable names”, funny, I had no idea who this person was until I stumbled upon their pathetic self proclaimed stardom… Don’t you just love how these insignificant people attempt to build a world of delusion around themselves as to never look at the real picture?  They are nothing, never have been anything, and are the same as everyone else that did it before them.  Then again, the truth is a bit too much for some kids to handle.

“Star shed his birth name and backstory like some played-out trend, creating a new sense of personal history through pronouncements such as “I’m not a man; I’m not a woman; I’m a mannequin”—playing with notions of gender, sexual identity, and the loss/transmogrification/“gain” of the human condition in the process.”

Translation: So its fans would think it’s cool, Starr expertly hides that fact it comes from money, a perfect life, and wealthy parents…  because you know, being normal, just isn’t cool these days.  In an attempt to make itself feel better about the fact that daddy kicked it out for being gay, Star attempts to convince kids that its DIFFERENT than every other drag-queen on the corner selling itself for pocket change.

I really could go further as its MySpace is basically filled with self serving diatribe to further convince itself how special and different it is.  In all honestly, just another reason I’m happy to be the fuck out of California.

I wouldn’t be all too surprised to see some random article on some random website a couple of years from now about a cross-dressing kid that no-one has ever heard of was found over-dosed in a gutter.

Though I can’t in all honesty say I wouldn’t giggle when it turned out to be Star.

Though I do in fact find it amusing that Star is on the “Steal Your Boyfriend” tour.  Apparently while falling down the ugly tree and smacking every branch down, upon hitting the ground, delusions of grandeur ran this fruity loop over, popped it in reverse, and peeled out on its forehead.