Now we all know that the magical and mystical fruit-cake is a gift given near the holidays to those you really don’t give a quarter of a flaming rat’s ass about.  No-one knows what it’s of, why it was made in the first place, or who the hell likes it enough to actually put it in their mouth.  You just end up throwing it in a random closet for it to gather dust, and then eventually pass it on to the next poor soul that will do the same.  The same is really no different here, aside from the fact that this one can speak… which in all honesty makes it the Anti-Christ of all fruit cakes everywhere.  Now before I lay into this it ( yes I am going to use the term “it” again as I feel that if someone can’t be happy with the gender they were born they need to be shot ), I would honestly like to state, I don’t understand this new sub-culture of kids.  Maybe I’m just getting old, who knows, regardless it makes no sense to me.  Back in the day, it took intelligence, talent, or just a metric fuck-ton of money to make music, and get thousands of screaming followers that couldn’t lead their own lives if their precious MAC eyeliner was at stake.  Now, apparently all you have to be is the following: 

·         Young.

·         Stupid.

·         Have a computer.

·         Wear too much makeup.

·         Be a drag-queen.

·         Find 10,000 teenagers that have the combined intelligence of my pubic hair… which isn’t that intelligent… I’d assume… ( I hope or else the joke is completely lost ).

Add those factors?  Boom, instant stardom.  But enough of my inane rhetoric, let’s get to why you’re reading this “tl;dr” article shall we?

Meet Anthony! The Brazilian fruit topping, broadcasting his “I can eat pop-corn through a chain-link fence” teeth and his double chin of doom live from stickam!  Yet another one that more than likely arrived on a raft, car hood, or corpse to rape the good old US Of A for all its worth.  I’m assuming its job is more than likely getting its fan-boys to send it money every month… that or welfare… yay, my career pays for this douche to live in my country and allows it on my internet, at the very least it could mow my lawn… something.  Then again with the humidity around here its make-up would run, god forbid.  Ever seen a melting drag-queen?  Kind of pulling a grilled cheese apart, or going down on a girl with a yeast infection.  ( You read it! It can’t be unread! ).

Let’s take a look at what this little gem of a fruit topping has to offer us linguistically shall we?

“Hello there ! I'm Anthony Vanity”

Translation: I know no-one of importance has a clue who I am, but this is my name! Do you like it?!  Please like it.

“I guess I should start this by saying that I am a real bitch and I couldn't care less if you get offended by what I say or think.”

I’ve always found that when people say this, what they basically mean is that they are insecure little shit bricks that take everything you say to heart.  More than likely will cry itself to sleep on its run down hell hole of a one bedroom apartment every night if you tell it, it’s basically an enormous clone of every Jeffree Star on the ‘net.  “I’m a special little snow flake!  My immigration officer said so!”

“My beliefs are none and I don't expect anybody to be like me or even to like me, just don't fill me up with your constant bullshit and society values, I'm way over that.”

Please, this kid is trying so hard it hurts.  Nothing about it says it doesn’t care, it wants acceptance more than Obama (Bin Laden).

“I am, what I am and you just can't be like me.”

A drag-queen with worse teeth than mine?  Damn, my hopes and dreams, crushed forever.

“I'm proud of my fucked up life and anyone who trys to judge it will go down.”

It’s “tries”, and the mental image of anything going down in the general vicinity of you makes me want to scrub my brain matter with Constantine Wire.

“[that's how it works where I came from - Brazil]”

Really?  I always thought poverty, disease, and rape was how it works in Brazil.  For shame on me.

“Not really proud of that piece of shit, but it's where I came from and I accept it.”

I’m sure they are more than happy to have you gone.  So tell me, how many boards tied together does it take to immigrate illegally to America?

“ACCEPTED, but didn't agree, that's why I moved to the biggest underground crackhead playground on the planet [New York City].”

Oh yes, they love strung-out faggots there.  When you can pay the money for your meth, there’s always the option a good old anal-gang-banging time isn’t there?

“I am a cocksucker and I don't expect every single one of you to understand or accept it. Just shutdafuckup and we'll be ok. Here is the thing, I deal with your hetero self, and it wouldn't be so bad if you [at least] try to deal with my faggoty ass, alright !?”

Ok, it’s 2008, normal society ( which I apparently am not a part of ) doesn’t care anymore.  Sucking dick doesn’t make you any different that your 10,000 fans that more than likely sucked the same dicks you have.  Being gay does not make you special, stop milking that cow, NOBODY CARES… you box of homosexual tension.

Skipping the next comment as it’s basically just another, I like you, I want you to like me, so on, so forth.

“[everyone has their own perspective of beauty - find yours !] Be PLASTIC | Be FAKE - If That's what you really want to be !”

This one tickles me greatly, in the same group of text, it basically says be yourself, be what I tell you to, be what I tell you to, but only if you want to be.  The confusion of this cluster fuckers head is astounding to even the greatest of minds.

In closing, I’d really like to say, I have nothing against those who are born to the right of homosexuality, but I cannot stand it when they use it as a crutch.  There is nothing worse than someone forcing themselves to be a minority for the sake of being a minority.  Grow the fuck up, get a fucking life, and get a fucking job you cock sucking coat-hanger abortion.