Being that finding idiotic people of the female gender in the goth/industrial “scene” is a bit like shoot fish in a barrel… the size of a shot glass.  I’ve decided to switch it up a bit and have a go at a guy.  Which I use that as a very loose generalization, as it took me a few times to figure out what the real gender of this kid was, believe me, being that this pictures are so ‘shopped, it’s a task in it of itself to distinguish whether or not which bits existed down stairs… if any at all.  

This one, of course coming from vampire freaks is a real winner.  Can’t speak… spell, or from what I gather, function due to the apparent copious amounts of weed he smokes.  But ladies, while I know this guy may seem like a real catch with his prized vampire freaks BMX bike, he’s taken.  By what, I’m not exactly sure…  Enter…. LifeSupport!

Dou… I mean LifeSupport… no, I meant Douche never mind… anyways.  Douche is an 18 year old male ( of which I am still not convinced ) from “BumFuck” Georgia, which apparently translates in his mind to Athens GA.  He is bisexual, of course, as most of these kids are now days.  His occupation is “The VF Shadow” which I assume means he is unemployed and still lives with mommy and daddy, more than likely in a basement of angst and depression over the fact that the evil parents won’t buy him that shiny new set of MAC makeup from the mall.  He is of course, a Premium Member that is in a group of dipshits on VF that are “Premium Members Against Down Raters”… or something to that effect.  That’s the pinnacle of this kids life people, he doesn’t want to be down rated on that Muppet of a Goth Jet’s website. 

The future of America, right here people.  Let us move on to the intelligent banter he provides on his main page… oh wait… did I say intelligent?  I meant as mind numbing as a blunt object to the testicles.

“AGZOMG!!12@!!!123!!!”

…What the fuck is that suppose to mean?  You open up your profile with this?  Jesus Christ I’ve seen more intelligible speech from my cats.

“j00 found me! LAWL you should feel special.”

Very special, much like when the doctors finally tell me I have a raging case of lung cancer special.  So much more important than short bus special, which I’m sure, you are no stranger to.

“Welcome to my profile, im Shadow, im 18 years old.”

Translation:  My name is something like “Chester” and I want to sound cooler so people don’t realize I am an over privileged white kid from a leave it to beaver life style.  Shadow?  Come on, a 2^nd grader could come up with a better alias than that, may as way named yourself “ImTheCrow666OmgHax00r”.

“My vampirefreaks birthday is Jan. 30th 2004 so i have been around vf for along time.”

Because this is something to put on a resume… wait, never mind.  No job.  That’s right.

“I pwn a few cults you may or my not have heard of like, "Cyber" and "1".”

For those of you who don’t know, a “Cult” is like a community of rejects that all work towards the common cause of mediocrity on vampire freaks.  Being that this kid “pwns” a fair amount of cults, I’d say he is the poster child for uselessness.  Yet again, another point in one’s life to assume themselves, complete.

“I smoke alot of weed and i love to party.”

Explains a lot, he’s a pot head.  Now not to down on anything too bad, I’ve done my fair share of things of the nature, but then again, I don’t live with my parents.

“Im a hard core xbox360 gamer and if you want to add min on xbox live my sn is LifeSupport420.  Thats all you need to know.”

No, I need to know a few more things.  When you cut yourself, do you prefer rusty butter knives?  How many times have you attempted suicide in an attempt to get attention?  Your girlfriend, does she actually exist?  Or does she only come at night when no-one is looking.

Oh, and have you come out of the closet to your parents yet?  Wouldn’t want to disappoint their Christian lifestyle.

In other news… Nebris apparently wants to put things in my anus…

…And overweight Derby girls wish to harm me.

Charming.