Firstly, I’d like to openly state that I usually never attack someone under the age of eighteen.  For some reason it just gives me the shivers.  Then again, someone of the sort has never actually attempted to start a little war, so I suppose there is always a first time for everything.  Why not, we all know that I’m going to hell anyways, why not secure a front row seat for Armageddon? 

This is also the birthing of a new category for phreak; “Goth Drama”.  Being that over time I will slowly but surely be locating just about every little white faced dolt I can find for the purpose of:

My amusement.
Your Amusement.
Their agony.
And Cheetos… Cheetos fucking rock.

While this child isn’t a Goth in the first place, she seems to frequent the same forums as the aforementioned, pretends to… pretend to have the same ailments for the purposes of attention… if that made any sense what-so-ever, and seems to have about the same IQ as the moral majority of them.  Calling a spade a spade, as it were.  At any rate, meet Megan!  Megan is a 15… or 18 year old, depending on whether or not you are looking at her Live Journal or her MySpace.  The first thing I really have to comment on is that picture.  Honey, the pouty lip thing only works for attractive *WOMEN* that don’t happen to look like 15 year old boys.  I suggest never attempting to look sexy in the future; it will only lead to heart break and a serious delusion of grandeur.  Enough of that though, let’s start off with her personal description, brought to you by Live Journal, and a bad case of self loathing stupidity;

“Ok, well. Since none of my real life friends will read this, I think I'll just tell you(is anyone there...?) everything about me.”

Sort of sums up everything I could say here huh?  Under age, alone, useless.

“I'll be blunt.”

This should be good, wonder what is going to follow this, possibly a long diatribe about her “problems” and suicidal thoughts?

“I'm depressed and have anorexia nervosa.”

We have a winner!  At least she’s a productive dipshit, starves until she dies from it.  Two birds, one stone.

“I am 5'4"(yeah...short...)”

Short, fat, depressed, with an eating disorder.  Aren’t we the cream of the crop?

“and 15 years young”

Ok, first starters the whole “<age here> young” phrase is stupid enough to begin with.  Let alone being said by a 15 year old.  We know you’re young, it was fairly obvious you prat.

“I like music and video games where you play with puppies XP”

Define: Generic.  This line is one of CG’s favorites. “I like.. like music… and stuff.”  She’ll end up on OkCupid in a few years I’m sure.

“I used to be belemic, but that stopped when I threw up through my nose(yeah, tmi, I know) and had a panic attack and passed out on the bathroom floor at Cost-Co, lol.”

Firstly, you spelled it wrong.  Secondly the fact that you laugh about it, pretty much shows one or all of two things:

You’re a liar.
You’re an idiot.

“I feel happy only when I'm hungry, eating bugles, or making stuffed animals(>_<)”

You’re only happy… when you’re hungry… and eat bugles… Huh, suppose it was both.  Lying idiot it is!

“I have an obsession with eBay and ugly sweaters.”

Anything that takes the attention away from your face is a good thing I suppose.

“My fave colors are currently neon green and fuchia.”

Its “fuchsia”, and you are color blind apparently.

“I'm in love with cheap things and hotel bible's.”

Future cam-whore.  You heard it here first people.

“I love to read....A LOT!”

Pop-up books don’t count as reading, nor does the bible, kid.

“I love to crimp my hair and I am currently after a pair of chunky-lolita style mary janes....*hint-hint*”

See the hint hint?  Told you, already whoring herself out for free things.  Future cam-whore.

“I like to attempt to make my own clothes, but I only sew stuff by hand(even though I have a perfectly good sewing machine....) so whenever I start a project like that, it either takes eons to make, or turns out looking like BFDD.  I love brightly colored petticoats...hell, brightly colored anything.  I love to swap, I think PayPal is the devil!  And!.....yeah.  That's all I got right now.....”

Blah, blah, fuckity, blah.  Moving on to her MySpace, of which is just as much of an eye-sore as she is, which I suppose it fitting.  To save my lazy fingers, and what is remaining of the brain cells I have left at this point of the article, I will just highlight the more interesting factoids.  Using the term “interesting” loosely of course:

“I have many horrible habits that my family is unaware of.”

Nothing a quick call to CPS wouldn’t cure, hell, all they’d need is your MySpace, Live Journal, and Email address to take a little interesting in taking a trip to your class-room.

“I figure since I'm probably going to run away(I severly doubt I will, though) and become a panhandler/tattoo artist soon, so I guess I'll tell you.”

I love how she attempts to look “cool”, and then rips it down in the same sentence.  Great aspirations there though kid, you want to be a drain on my paycheck.  Yet *I’M* the asshole here.“

You can go ahead and stop reading now, Mom. You really do annoy me when you do this...”

This is officially the biggest and most obvious cry for attention I have ever seen in my life.  She wants her parent’s approval so bad it hurts.  Little girl raised in a little perfect lawn town where they eat dinner together as a family every night.  What’s the matter doll, no pink pony for Christmas?

“For a career I'll either be a hobo or a tattoo artist. Did you know that most panhandlers usually make over $60,000 a year? That's why I wanna be a hobo.”

Did you know that 99.9% of all statistics are made up on the spot?  Seriously kid, whatever your friends are telling you, is wrong.  Though the drugs they are taking must be top-notch… I need to hang out with these kids some time.

“Even though I am Christian. I just don't give a damn.”

Well that’s pretty much Christianity defined right there isn’t it?  Not giving a damn about reality?  Seems like you are on a good road to becoming the next savoir.In closing I’d like to move on to the comment she left for me right here on this site, and end it with a post she left on some forum dedicated to fake hair:

“woooooow. What crawled up your fat ass and died? So your hag of a friend steals other peoples copy-righted pics and sets out to convince you that she is the victim. SHOCKING, since you 2 seem like you have such high standards and all.

girlinfected: no speaking. You steal pictures for your half-assed excuse of a site, and now you are still stealing pictures for your avatar. Sad. You are truly sad.”

The girl with an eating disorder, calling people fat, that’s amusing.  More amusing to those who actually take the time to find out what I look like, which is about as hard as bowling for legless midgets.  You’d be better off calling me a speed-freak if you wanted to insult my stature.  Nice try though!  As for the remainder of this comment I will let Infected take the ball on that one.Finally I leave you with this:

“I commented. It was not nice. I'm the weird bright green thing.”

Yes… yes you are.  Not to mention, attention whore. :)